What We Would Wear #1: Irene Edition (OR; outfits that will blow your mind. Weak pun, I know.)

by Ema

Sooo unless you live under a giant soundproof rock with no TV, WiFi, cell phone service or radio (otherwise known as where I am currently residing in Hudson Valley, NY) you have heard about this big ol angry bitch comin' our way. Make wayyyy for Miss Irene, The embodiment of America's obesity problem (in case you're wondering how that makes any sense at all, in my head I imagine Irene as a giant, massively fat woman dressed in pink spandex huffing and puffing as she galumphs across the country, shaking the earth and raining down monsoons of sweat with every laborious step).

Anyways, as the hurricane parties are beginning to be planned (I personally am going to one tonight at the abode of a friendly local farmer who has a bird’s nest chilling in the bald spot above his ponytail and a large hot tub which I have been enthusiastically invited to use, regardless of the fact that I did not pack a bathing suit.) In order to help all y’all plan what outfits you are going to wear to your hurricane parties, I have decided to lay out a series of outfits perfect for welcoming our dear, gusty friend to the Big Apple.

Look 1

umbrella hat; xmas present from the G-Ma, Earrings: Claire’s, Necklaces; present from the G-mizzle (vintage, 1920’s), Shirt; $1 rack outside of a drycleaner’s, Cardigan; Top Shop (in the 80’s), Bangles: H&M

I like to call this look hurricane chic. It all together cost me a very costly dollar a few Xmases back, and is ever appropriate. The elastic band of the umbrella hat  gives you a nice flapper look which, when accompanied by a mess of classy chains and some pearls becomes endlessly high class vintage, and keeps your hair and shoulders dry! This look paired with some Versace rain-proof heels and a couture bedazzled rain poncho will make you completely impermeable. Let it rain baby, let it rain.

Look 2

I like to call this look The Minimalist Daredevil. Let’s face it, storms are sexy. All those dripping wet, wind-swept, hunks running around saving women from falling trees and stripping their shirts off to jump into a flooded ravine to save a drowning kitten. So sometimes you just need a look that says let’s go to the evacuated parts of Brooklyn and do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. Underpants and blurred out nipple optional.

Look 3

Take this Christopher Kane blue gingham dress and pair it with some ruby heels and a dog in a basket, cause you never know where this hurricane might take you. (Tin Man not included.)

Look 4

I know this is what I’ll be wearing. Where’s my mediocre looking lovebug to hold me in his mildly muscular arms?

HAPPY STORMING!

-- Ema