Friday, August 26, 2011

Fly Kicks; or the time I bought sneakers; OR aren't you glad I didn't name this post Pumped Up Kicks

by Kayla

                                                   I don't know why these look so orange here

Let me introduce to you the newest addition to the
RidiculousthingIbuyandprobablywIllnotwearveryoften family: Velcro Sneakers brought to you by Isabel Marant.  To those of you that scoff at the thought of overpriced (seriously. shamefully so.) Velcro burgundy sneakers, I say fuck you I have a blog.  I wear what I want.

Lemme tell ya, these shoes are fucking fresh. So what if I’ve worn sneakers five times in the past three years, four of which involved sitting on my couch in workout clothes pretending I’m going to go to the gym…. Didn’t stop me from buying these bad boys. Let’s take a look:

 First of all, they box says they’re bordeaux which is a lot classier than burgundy. So they’re fancy French overpriced Velcro burgundy sneakers. I know what you’re thinking: GHET-TO. Know what I’m thinking? Hell yea! Cheers to ghetto fabulous shoes I can refer to as phat kicks and be completely serious.

To all the doubters and the haters out there that think I can’t pull off ghetto fabulous… you’re probably right. Still not stopping me. I will rep the shit out of this velcro. A little background: as a little girl lacking any control over my sartorial fate, I was banned from wearing Velcro sneakers. My mom didn’t think they were sophisticated enough. Don’t even get me started on the really sick ones with the soles that lit up when you walked. Those were out of the question. You might ask well, what five year old is meant to look sophisticated? And I say, I now know why I showed up for the first day of kindergarten in a black turtleneck and leather miniskirt. True story. So now that I’m a spoiled mature and independent woman, I can fuckin wear Velcro if I want to.

Best part? HIDDEN PLATFORM. These might look like your average burgundy bordeoux fly ass kicks, but you are mistaken, my friend. There is so much more. 2 inches more to be exact. So not only do I look awesome in these, I’m also spitting on the gods of genetics. In these babies, I can soar to the towering heights of 5’3 inches mothafuckaaaa. Y’all look so small from up here.

I’m off to walk around the house in my new shoes do a lot of things because I’m really busy! 

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